Well, they’ve ruined my physical therapy now. All us old and lame had bonded and developed a sense of community as fellow sufferers who all now come in generous sizes and slightly lumpy shapes. Yesterday they started testing young male job applicants’ physical fitness for a local industry. So, here we old folks are gasping and sweating (and farting), while struggling to bend over two inches below waist level and these young hunks are flat handing the floor. I think I was two the last time I could flat hand the floor. If I was able to be invisible, I might actually enjoy watching them. (Dirty little old ladies should get to have fun too.) But realizing that I might be the cause of someone never marrying, because they were prematurely exposed to what a prospective wife might look and “sound” like at seventy-nine, is too much guilt to bear. So I deny myself the pleasure of the debate between pecs and buns and do my exercises with my eyes closed, pretending if I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
(I apologize to the readers who follow me for my “spiritual” posts. But I personally think being a slightly raunchy great-grandmother and being spiritual are not mutually exclusive.)
1. Learn to laugh at yourself.
2. Pick friends with a sense of humor.
3.Cultivate a few healthy younger friends.
4. Practice being invisible to discover some of the benefits.(See Pecs and Buns post.)
5. Practice driving a scooter in Walmart on Saturdays.
6. Develop the habit of never passing up a bathroom.
7. Find clean convenient bathrooms on all frequent routes. (This helps with children and grandchildren, who tend to ignore their early warning signals and will help you when your early warning system becomes defunct before the rest of you.)
8. Choose tattoos that are old age friendly.
9. Buy stock in Charmin and Post it Notes. (Society is aging as a whole.)
10. Choose Doctors the same age as you. (They will believe you when you say everything hurts and with luck will live at least one day longer than you.)