It May Be Easier to Die for Someone, than Live for Them

What a week! My husband’s supposedly simple medical procedure with a one night stay ended up in a panic, two operations, and six days in the hospital so far.

I had an interesting, but guilty, thought today after spending 24 hours around the clock for five days in one room with my husband of almost 59 years.

……It may be easier to die for someone, than to live for them…………..

Nurse Norman, I am not. Quiet, I am not. Inclined to wait for introverts to answer Doctors and nurses’ questions, I am not. Able to wiggle and struggle up from a low couch and a deep sleep quickly and cheerfully, I am not. Used to impatient orders, no longer disguised as polite requests, I am not. Patient and acquiescent when very tired and told to do things I consider silly, I am not. Anyway, you get the picture. Thanking God that our children have come to the rescue of a reasonably happy marriage under serious stress!

I really do understand the why of my husband’s side of this, since I have been on the other side of this equation. But understanding and dealing graciously with someone you love’s responses to stress at the same time as trying to deal with your own, is a new challenge for us. Somehow in the past, it seemed to work out so that we got to take turns. Now simultaneous health issues of old age are becoming more frequent and that’s a whole new ball game. We’ve done so well in the past at keeping our sense of humor, that during one ER visit, the nurse said, “You do realize this is an emergency?” We laughed and said, “Yes, but we do this so often now, we’ve learned to use humor to get us through our crises.”

Five days of coming through a totally new life threatening experience and still not understanding why it happened, plus realizing the doctors didn’t know either, is not only frustrating, it’s scary. And one doctor wanting to send us home having to cope with unfamiliar and unappealing procedures that don’t seem important to him, because they are no longer life threatening, doesn’t really make the stress less.

Happily, Julian is on the mend. Our children living in the area were with us when this experience became traumatic and now the out of state ones have come in town for the weekend. So, I am home unpacking, running wash, thawing a roast, freezing some of the vegetable soup I made the day before we left for the surgery, organizing, and venting on face book, while our children take turns being there at the hospital with their exhausted and frustrated dad. Hopefully he will be coming home tomorrow and I will be able to welcome him with a peaceful spirit, a cheerful heart, and a rested body.

Years ago, there were times when I seriously questioned the wisdom of an impractical klutz like me having five children. But boy, am I celebrating it now.

About Eileen

Mother of five, grandmother of nine, great-grandmother of four. 1955 -1959 Rice University in Houston, TX. Taught primary grades; Was Associate Post Director of Religious Education at Ft. Campbell, KY; Consultant on the Myers/Briggs Type Indicator, Was married for 60 years to an Architect in Middle Tennessee.

Posted on October 7, 2017, in blessings, Death, fear, Healing, Humor, Love, marriage, Mental Health, Necessary Losses, Parenting, relationships, self-doubt and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Sounds like AFGE – another fooking growth experience- only for two people (or 7) instead of just you. Hang in there and be glad that changing all those dirty diapers has finally paid off!

    Sending much love, many prayers and lots of well wishes.

    • Myra, when I think of what you have been through and may be dealing with now, I’m ashamed to even think of whining. You are my hero. Please keep me updated on you and yours.

  2. There’s a heartbreaking scene in War and Peace where a suffering character suggests that the woman he loves would be better if he died. He says it in a veiled male way. What he really wants her to say is that she will love him no matter what. She botches her answer though she does love him, but is under so much emotional stress. The scene is so heart breaking that it’s been 2 months since I read it and I still feel like crying when I think of it.

    My family jokes our way through hospital emergencies too but sometimes it’s too much. I can totally relate to this post. I hope you both have healing and health once more.

  3. I think you and your family, including your husband, are pulling together to get through a frazzling experience. You are in my prayers.

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