Psalm of Fifty-Eight Years Together

All these years of tenderness and love,
of fears and frustration and laughter,
there has been you.
Your love has always been my strength,
because I knew you would go with me
any where I went.
Now, in this new heart breaking time,
fearing the ocean of loneliness
that lies ahead,
I struggle to let go, to set you free,
to not make it harder to accept
whatever comes.
Grace comes at night when I turn to God,
who has been with us always through both
the pain and joy.
Then I know we’ll be together once more
with tenderness, and laughter, and love
at home with God.

About Eileen

Mother of five, grandmother of nine, great-grandmother of four. 1955 -1959 Rice University in Houston, TX. Taught primary grades; Was Associate Post Director of Religious Education at Ft. Campbell, KY; Consultant on the Myers/Briggs Type Indicator, Was married for 60 years to an Architect in Middle Tennessee.

Posted on August 29, 2017, in blessings, Death, faith, fear for the future, Gifts of Age, Love, marriage, Necessary Losses, spirituality, the future and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Beautiful, Eileen. And so true. I know I’ll be with Chuck again, because love never dies. We still love each other – our love is outside of time and so is yours and Julian’s. We had 47 years together; you’ve had 58. Whatever happens, it will be harder for you, but you’ve had more years together, so I guess it’s a trade off. Growing old is difficult, especially when I see friends fail and die and I know being 80 is as good as it gets. But grace does come. How could one grow old without God?

    • That part about 80 being as good as it gets is what discourages me. Though a friend’s 84 year old widower father came to live here last year. He doesn’t drive because of a heart condition, but he found out about the free bus to the Senior Center so
      he goes to dances, lunches, card games, and exercise classes there. Now he has a lady friend there and teaches the adult class at our church.
      The changes at church with the interim pastor while we look for a permanent one have cut out my sermon from the molehill that I love doing once a month. Since this seemed to me to be what my gift is and what I enjoy most, it is a challenge to let go and trust God. A friend sent me a sketch kit the day I was so bummed about what would I do now with my down time, so maybe it’s time to just have a hobby instead of a ministry.

  2. bonne santé et longue vie ensemble – for the joy of all your loved ones… 🙂

  3. So loving and sad, Eileen. Prayers for whatever lies ahead of you. ❤

  4. beautiful poem. I love your poetry.
    was reading comments… and was wondering… is there a petition i can sign to get your mole on the mt. sermon back? The new person just doesn’t understand what’s what if they don’t keep your ministry. It’s still your calling. No one brought me to understanding a relationship to Jesus until you. That means so much to me. Not just for my own self, but so I can relate to rather than just fight christians. You were my bridge… and so patient in your teaching and sharing.
    When you make art from the gift… maybe don’t make it a hobby but rather put your poems and mole hill into them. Make soul-collages.
    I love you Eileen.
    U and Julian R in my prayers.

    • Oh, Tabby! What a wonderful idea about the poems and sketches! I will try that. The sermons from the molehill will probably be resurrected eventually. That’s the way God has worked in the past. The ego involved has to be let go. It’s that old dying to self thing. Once I let go, it won’t matter whether I get to do them or not. I call them sermons from the molehill because a molehill is very small as opposed to sermons from the mount. And the ego thing is like playing “Whack a mole!” Where you have a rubber club and rubber things pop up randomly and you try to bash them before they go back down. It’s like our egos. We think we have that “It’s all about me…me me me!” thing squashed and it just goes underground and pops back up somewhere else, just like the moles under our bird feeders. 🙂 It’s the human condition and I don’t beat myself up about it. I just try to recognize when my ego is getting in the way of loving and admit it’s part of being human and I know that our very clever God will handle it. The idea of sketches and poems or even just little insights or humor sounds fun!! And even though I value my poetry and enjoy drawing, I know that they are not what I do best. I do get to thinking my sermons from the molehill are better than other people’s. But I know that the truth is they speak to some people and not at all to others. So, new voices that can be heard better by some other people may be what is needed at my church right now. And that is more important than my need to be a star. And sketching is a right brain activity and is like meditating in that it is a focus on the present moment type of activity and I need that very much right now. You are such a blessing to me! Isn’t it cool how God works! My friend Margie whom I don’t see very often sends the sketch boxes and you, my friend from across the country shares the inspiration I need. I get chills when I get a glimpse the pattern on the top of the tapestry that God sees, while I only see the mix mosh of threads on the bottom side. We really are all so connected. Love you. BIG HUG! Thanking God for bringing you into my life at such a crucial time for me.

  5. I know everyone who encounters your voice and or images will benefit. I don’t mean to cling… but it’s your voice NOT EGO that helped me and my progress as a woman.
    *Big HUGs* to you… and thank you for helping me feel inspired always
    and to be mindful and to
    persevere .
    You are the LOVE.
    Please know I wouldn’t be here without you. You helped in more ways than you’ll ever know. You are the light in darkness Eileen. Just be YOU.

  6. Grace is the purity that comes when you get closer to Godness.

  7. Beautiful, and haunting, and beyond authentic. Love everything about this, Eileen, and you.

    • Thank you, Tracy. Hope it is going well for you. I can’t imagine what it’s like. I’ve never lived alone. Lived at home with my parents and brother through college until I married.

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