Without Jesus, I’d Just Lie Down and Become a Speed Bump

I stay on the edge of just being totally overwhelmed with sadness about every level of life. Struggling to do the simple task I set myself of gathering information, mostly by computer, on local homelessness and what is being done to help has shown me just how inadequate I am at simple tasks. If there is any way to complicate simple tasks, I seem to find it. And my love/hate relationship with my computer brings me to my knees daily. Not being able to remember the name of the street where I live when I was asked yesterday, didn’t exactly help my sense of competence. Seeing how overwhelming the problems are for so many, who live on the precipice of homelessness even here in a small town, is heartbreaking and scary. Across America the waiting list for any sort of housing with government help ranges from one to ten years. The money is there, the housing is not. Watching America become controlled by fearful haters with no real perception of  either the immediate consequences of their actions on innocent people or the long range global political and economic destabilization  is devastating. Recognizing how un-Christ-like Christianity has become, or perhaps how blind I have been to the fact that most Christian groups have never been like Christ, makes me question who will bring Christ to the young now. Dealing with the ever increasing problems of aging, both mental and physical, and realizing they aren’t going to get better doesn’t help me wake up rejoicing. Insurance policies are our largest expense each month, but still having to pay over $400 dollars for just one heart medicine for a month, makes me wonder which will run out first, my husband’s heart or our money for the medicine. Realizing that our next line of defense, our children, some how got old while we have been busy worrying about ourselves, makes me both nervous and sad. They are already having many of the same problems we are.
But recently my teen-age granddaughter, Sophie, told me about a girl at her school who was having a screaming match with another girl and finally shouted, “If I didn’t know Jesus, I’d knock you on your ass!”
Well, friends, if I didn’t know Jesus, today I’d just lie down and become a speed bump.
But, God bless God, Jesus hangs in there even with wusses like me. Thanks be!                                          PS Sorry, I realize this was garbage dumping. But I do feel better. I promise I’ll write something more hope filled soon.  Sometimes, I just have to defuse the inner boiling bubbles by letting them out and looking  them straight in the eyes.

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About Eileen

Mother of five, grandmother of eleven, great-grandmother of seven, 1955 -1959 Rice University in Houston, TX. Taught primary grades; Was Associate Post Director of Religious Education at Ft. Campbell, KY; Consultant on the Myers/Briggs Type Indicator; Presently part time Administrative Assistant/Bookkeeper for Architect husband of fifty-seven years. Blog: Laughter: Carbonated Grace

Posted on January 31, 2017, in disillusionment, Failure, fear, fear for the future, Jesus, Mental Health, Necessary Losses, Political, Suffering, the future and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Amen!

  2. And the conclusion of your rant? There is hope even in hopeless-like times. 🙂

  3. I think Jesus probably wouldn’t mind us having speed bump days. He would patiently wait until we were ready to take his hand and get up. We have a housing crisis here in NZ too. But our health system is quite different from yours. No one needs health insurance, and most medicines are heavily subsidized by the Govt. It’s a huge relief not to have to worry about the cost of my medication. I am sorry you are carrying this burden.

    • Thank you. Yes, Jesus, is my one constant. It isn’t as bad as it seems some days. I used to need a medicine that got me out of a wheelchair that cost over $900 a month! Would love to visit New Zealand. My father died painlessly in his sleep in Christ Church on his way back from his second trip to the Antarctic in 1963. He had said New Zealand was the closest to his idea of heaven that he had ever seen. The sun is shining today and I am headed to lunch with my Study Club, an amazing group of women, mostly retired teachers, who somehow have bonded across differences in politics, religion, age and backgrounds. I’m pretty sure we are all Jesus people, so even Trump can’t overcome our bond.

    • same here, in France, Miss Gallivanta… 🙂
      * * *
      religion and politics are 2 delicate and controversial topics, they both can separate people – sometimes for good… btw, speakin’ of God, in general and Jesus, in particular, they won’t do anything in our place!!! 😉

      • Melanie, I don’t need anyone to do anything in my place. Some of us see a lot of possibilities and either aren’t sure of the right thing to do and need to be still and listen to a source of insight that is universal, so not limited to my experience, cultural programming, or natural selfishness and/or we are not courageous or persevering enough to respond without staying connected to that source of grace and strength. Maybe you are simply coming from there naturally all the time. I am not. It doesn’t make me infallible or always brave, but the journey inward and outward and with others has helped me and in spite of my sinking spells sometimes, I have been able to help others like me to find that grace to not only persevere, but to begin to focus on helping others. It’s experiential, not theoretical. And like Jesus said, he came to heal the sick. Some of us just arrive in this world wobbly and some get wounded more easily than others and some of us are tortured by seeing possibilities for a better world. We all arrive in this world very different from one another. Some of us are what I call, “Bottomless pits of needs and wants,” or the “walking wounded.” And need blocks our ability to love, because when we are in emotional pain, it is like having an infected tooth. It keeps us self-centered. We seek pleasure to block the pain and even if the pleasure isn’t evil, it limits our being a contributing part of humanity’s evolution. Other personality types tend to be passive and just accept whatever is, even if it’s Hitler. Others focus on their immediate family and friends and don’t spend time worrying about the rest of the world. Some of us question everything we read or were taught and others follow whatever traditions they experienced as a child. Those differences and the circumstances of our childhood do influence us. But with grace, we don’t have to be limited to them,. I don’t know if any of that makes sense to you. To me, grace stops me from using things as excuses to not contribute, to settle for just taking.

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