The Song in My Head

The song in my head won’t stop
no matter how I try to drown it out.
I have a Greek Chorus always
providing back ground music.
They sing Bass while I sing Treble,
overwhelming my feeble voice
defending my reason for being.
Over and over the chorus sings,
“You’re no good! You’re no good!”
I hear it echoed in small slights,
whether imaginary or real,
in jokes that sound like put downs,
in my endless longing for affirmation.
And my envy of my friends’ success
Just confirms that awful chorus,
“You’re no good.”

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About Eileen

Mother of five, grandmother of eleven, great-grandmother of seven, 1955 -1959 Rice University in Houston, TX. Taught primary grades; Was Associate Post Director of Religious Education at Ft. Campbell, KY; Consultant on the Myers/Briggs Type Indicator; Presently part time Administrative Assistant/Bookkeeper for Architect husband of fifty-seven years. Blog: Laughter: Carbonated Grace

Posted on September 5, 2016, in doubt, Failure, fear, Judging, Success, Suffering and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I hear this song a lot too. Very well written post though

    • It helps considerably to know I (we) are loved unconditionally. But it gets discouraging to always feel that you are failing
      even those that love you and you love. But, paradoxically, it helps me forgive others when they fail me.

  2. My song is different, but always there. But I’m learning that God’s voice is louder, if I can truly trust.

  3. It isn’t always easy to change the song, but we must and by grace we can.

    • Yes, Timi, you are exactly right. For me who naturally lives in the magical land of possibilities, it takes work to find the beauty in the
      limits of human reality. The only way I can is to focus on God, who offsets my chorus by simply saying over and over, “I love you.”
      By the end of my mother’s fourteen years of dying by inches from Alzheimer’s, I really wasn’t strong enough to devote myself to sitting helplessly with her at the foot of her cross. Now, I’m being given another chance to seek grace to live that out as my husband’s Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis progresses. Some personalities are naturally good at accepting reality, however harsh it may be. I’ve always been a change agent, a person that looks for alternative solutions. Now, I realize that there comes a time when that is not what we are able or even called to do, no matter how naturally good we are at it. We are called to find grace in our weakness. But it is scary and only done by staying aware that we are not good at this, but God is and God is with us.

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