Let’s Hear it for the Delusion that We Can Bring Order out of Chaos

Well, you know how some cultures take their shoes off at the door? I am starting a new Elder American Custom: Take off your glasses at my door. I don’t wear my glasses at home much. This works for me, because I can’t see the dust bunnies, the odd dead bug or dollop of jelly on the floors. And since most of my friends are also at the stage of life that requires glasses to notice small stuff, this new custom should allow me to maintain my laissez faire attitude toward house work while not having to hide in total silence in a darkened apartment when someone knocks at my door.
But, today, I am doing what I always do when my life feels like it is spinning out of control with disasters lurking around every corner. I am cleaning out the cabinets and the fridge. This is not house work. This is about bringing order out of chaos. This is about restoring some of the delusion that I am in control of something, however unimportant, in my life.
I never learn. I was determined last week to have enough carb free food for us when I was going to be down from my knee surgery. Well, I didn’t take into consideration that when under stress, Julian and I eat only high carb junk food and baked goods or that Julian would be the one running to the store for the one or two things I forgot. So, today I am throwing out week old beautiful chicken salad, cream cheese with olives and pecans mix for sandwiches for Julian, and some leftover chile without beans for me. So sad. So stupid! I have eaten more carbs in the last week than in the last two months! And enjoyed every single crumb, even the ones off the counters.
Well, I am recovered after sitting down for a bit, so back to enforcing law and order in my cabinets. I found some seasonings which expired in 2012. Also, found some things that don’t expire until 2020. I figure that may well be beyond my own expiration date!
All prayers and caring thoughts gratefully appreciated for my husband, Julian, who is having a lung biopsy tomorrow and my youngest son, Tommy, the father of four daughters who is having heart tests today prior to possibly having to get a pace-maker.

About Eileen

Mother of five, grandmother of nine, great-grandmother of five. 1955 -1959 Rice University in Houston, TX. Taught primary grades; Was Associate Post Director of Religious Education at Ft. Campbell, KY; Consultant on the Myers/Briggs Type Indicator, Was married for 60 years to an Architect in Middle Tennessee.

Posted on September 1, 2015, in Addictions, faith, fear, fear for the future, hope, Love, Mental Health, Prayer, Suffering and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. God made carbs for a reason, so don’t feel guilty, just grateful!


  2. I just want to say I’m with Myra! Chocolate, too.


  3. Sometimes I think it’s all the little mundane chores in life that keep us sane. Hugs.❤️


  4. My band is going to dedicate our band practice to you and your husband and family tonight. (that’l be about 8:00 pm pacific time) I know it’s the third of september and I’m late in reading and commenting, but we are all thinking of you and sending our best vibes we can muster for you in the universe!

    Dust bunnies can be terrifying! Definitely keep the glasses off for those, but maybe put ’em on for that dollop of Jelly. ‘Cuz I’d want that jelly on my tongue before sacrificing it to the ants!!! The ants are out of control in my neck of the woods so that’s why!



    • That is so cool. His lung collapsed some, but we stayed overnight with a pump thing and it’s ok and we are home
      exhausted, but relieved. We won’t hear from the biopsy for several days. The prayers are helping, because anxiety prone
      me has been unusually calm through this.

      Thank you so much for being so caring. I would love to see a video or even a photo of the band. I just love the idea of you
      guys thinking of us. Sirena did a dance for us also; I absolutely love this. Helps me experience what I believe in theory, our oneness.


      • Sorry I’m so late in my reply… I missed this comment in my feed and only now just saw it, while looking for another comment…

        I’m glad things stabilized. It sounds exhausting to be sure… I am still lighting daily incense and a candle for you and yours.

        My band is a “rare bird” in how evasive they are regarding being photographed… we haven’t put our images online. A couple of my pals had stalker types in their lives and so we have illustrators… and artists doing our low budget garage band P.R. and so I don’t know if I can get everyone together for a group shot… I’d like to. I’ve asked… but I won’t push ’em. The shows are what we call “Diva” as in not recorded and you had to be there… kind of thing. The creator-lyricist-manager for my band, Maru, established this. He pays us… so we tend to do live shows word of mouth and then evade “fame”. Not that we are so good we’d ever be famous…

        I guess we are kooky. 🙂

        But I sure love your writing and realness and humor and the band wants to work on an energetic healing post for you and your husband and family… and friends… so we’ll get that posted and let you know soon. We are all rooting for you and sending love. 🙂



        • It’s ok about the photo. My youngest son, the one maybe getting the pace-maker, has a band called the Geek Band, since they are all computer geeks. They get gigs by word of mouth also. They do get to play for some groups of about 200 off and on. I so appreciate your and your band’s caring about us. That is so neat.


          • Your son has a heart condition and your husband has a collapsed lung? Dang woman!!!! You’re a strong mama! We are going to do a breath and heart piece for ya’ll… in our post and homage to resilience and love that we’ve discovered in YOU. You are beautiful. Your soul is radiant. I just gotta say.

            I love geek bands! You tell your son “rock on” and then give him a fist bump for me and hug!!! Salutations from one band to another!

            🙂 xoxo, Tabby


  5. wish you my very best, ’cause health is our most precious “treasure”, our priority and our emergency… friendly thoughts, Mélanie


  6. Eileen, I so appreciate your sense of humor, and grace. And love your idea of having guests leave the specs at the door. Yes! As you know, I am sending you my dancing reverence every day. Hang in there! xxo


  7. Hope the biopsy went as well as it could.


  8. Hi Eileen, I just wanted to let you know we posted our Blue Heron Homage to you and would love for you to stop by the Barometer Frog Poet Society blog when you have the time! love and peace to you and thanks again for sharing with us. We featured the poem you wrote to Dave in your comment too because it was so beautiful and we all felt like you set the tone for our piece better than we could have intended.
    tabby 🙂


  1. Pingback: “Heron Blues” a collective work by Barometer Frog Poet Society for Eileen… | Tabby Ren Elle

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